You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize