Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
