mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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