i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
