I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
