whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
