There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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