I heard we made out
i jhust puked up my retainher.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
