i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize