So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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