You're completely useless in the revolution.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
