were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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