i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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