Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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