She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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