Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
