I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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