i permit you to call me
Screwed.edu
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize