question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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