Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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