Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize