Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
