Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Quick, to the slutcave!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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