Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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