She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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