I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is my gift to your gina
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
