Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
