Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize