My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So much Jack, so little girl.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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