I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
