so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
