Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
