I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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