this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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