Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
