The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
