Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
