apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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