i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you win again, gameday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
