thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
