Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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