i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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