my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize