10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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