Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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