Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
