apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
