So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
