Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
