and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
