I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
