dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
