hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
