she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize