I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
