so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
