Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
