he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize