I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
