I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
