why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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