Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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