he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
PANTIES FOUND
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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