mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
