you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
